Posts tagged ‘brain window’

June 23, 2011

How To De-Arse One’s Head

I’d say that, for the vast majority of the spring, I had my head up my arse and my mind on the next bingey trip I’d take to whole foods to “have salad bar for dinner,” which we all know means a massive amount of somewhat healthy food, followed by a pint of ice cream for dessert, and probably one of those mini loaves (“single serve” or whatever) of cornbread for an “appetizer,” which I would enjoy on the walk from Whole Foods to my apartment. I got to that “food is my vice — I can’t help it” mode of thought, and, despite continuing my (somewhat excellent) exercise regimen, I’d rarely have two binge-free days in a row. I wasn’t really tracking my food or really even aware of the quantity of extra food I was eating. It wasn’t exactly surprising that clothes were becoming tight (which is a bit of a problem, since I’d been giving my clothes away the moment they got too big), but I have to admit that when I got on the scale and saw that I had gained back SEVENTEEN pounds, I was kind of shocked. I mean, I guess a box of granola isn’t a smart late night snack when dinner was a bag of chips & pile of guacamole….?

Yup, this is one of those posts that, as I’m writing, I’m thinking, “holy crap, Sarah–you really want to share this with the world?!”. But I do, because I know that these thoughts/head issues are not ones that only I have. So I’ll continue to share, with hopes that what I write is not only for my benefit.

I was waiting for something to click in my head so that I would stop with the excessive, uncontrolled eating. I figured that it was just some phase I was in, and that it would eventually pass and I would feel in control of myself again soon. But then I remembered thinking the EXACT same thing just about every day on my way up to 300+ pounds. So, rather than waiting for something to click, I forced the click. Fake ’til you make it, right?

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